If Kanye strutted on stage suited like Chaplin in a plague mask you'd applaud artsome
The Louis Vuitton Don so beyond his grandfather clock
So avant-garde, huh?
If Ivory Grand dropped a jam about the clothes in his laundry hamper
And shot a video in a laundromat he'd
Have teen girls tossing they dirty Spandex at him
If Snoop Dogg spit "West Coast" verbatim
Every Top 40 radio station would play it
And every socialite on California sands would start dancing to the Schwartzman sample
If Jay-Z sampled a Daniel Johnston tune
You'd download Daniel's catalogue of music - don't
Try to deny it, it's probably true
Cause whatever Jigga say you gon' follow, dude
If Akon sang on "Brian Wilson"
I would've got the whole world to listen
Co-sign will change your whole life, so absurd
I would have won the fucking Juno I deserved
If Asher Roth slapped his palms
Against the caps of his knees and rapped for free
Wait, on second thought, it would change nothing
The same shit, different country
If Gucci Mane wore a toque and glasses
And paid more attention to his music than fashion
Kids would dress for winter
And rock rims with prescription lenses in them
If Eminem dropped "Mathers" and went "Jonestown"
The concept would blow and send fans racing to newspaper stands
To see his Rolling Stone cover with the Kool-Aid Man
If Rick Ross released "Ken Park"
Puffy would put up the ducats and pay Harmony Korine
To direct a video with hobos on heroin
Midgets on a merry-go-round, bet you would air it then
If 50 Cent wrote "Boom Baba Boom"
The second verse would be on every blog dispute
An emcee shit talking Big and Pac? No way!
Yet every rapper thinks they clever when they shit on Cobain
If Lil' Wayne "Let the Children Die"
Over a million children alive would line up at midnight
With signs at Best Buy to buy the record Pitchfork rated a 9
If Jay Electronica, Jay Elec-Hanukkah wrote "Nobody With a Notepad"
You'd go mental over every reference
From Bon Jovi to R. Crumb
From Usain Bolt to John Lennon
If T.I. quoted Hunter S. Thompson's suicide note
Both you and I know
Spin would praise the brilliance of Cliff Harris
But nobody gives a shit when Derek from Canada
Does all of the above, at a quality above
Not all of the above
But all of the above but four, give or take
Depending on production
While y'all tend to rate, depending on the country an emcee resides in
And if I resided in the States I'd be signed and paid
We all can't be co-signed by Jay, Wayne or Dre
To Wayne Brady choke suffocate the game
I wish I could change something to be just like them
To make the whole world love me, just like them
But if I change I'll be just like them
And I would no longer be
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