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"Glass Joe's Title Fight" lyrics by STARBOMB
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"Glass Joe's Title Fight"


[Danny - Glass Joe:]
Bonjour, hello, my name is Glass Joe
I'm the toughest French boxer that you're ever gonna know
Score a TKO, then drink a fine bordeaux
And flatten all my opponents like croissant dough!

I fight next week for the champion belt
Mr Sandman is tough, and I might need a little help
So I hired Doc, he once trained an elf
Named Little Mac, so now I believe in myself!

[Arin - Doc Louis:]
I'm Doc! Hi!
This bitch is gonna die!
His overall record stands at 1-99
He's been hit in the head 75 too many times
He wants to fight Sandman
DEAR God WHY?
His head and his ass might go through an estrangement
I think I'll start making all my funeral arrangements!
I have to be responsible and tell him he can't win!
(Here's ten bucks!)
Fuck it, let the training begin!

[Danny - Glass Joe:]
Woah-oh! Woah-oh! I'll be the champion!
I have the heart of a lion!
(That's clearly not going to be enough!)
I've got the skills!
(No you don't)
I've got the power!
(Wrong again!)
You'll never catch me, I am like the Eiffel Tower!
(That doesn't move!)
Woah-oh! Woah-oh! I'll be the champion!
I'm building an arc of triumph!
(That took like, 30 years to build)
I've got my beret, my eau de toilette!
I'll break this Sandman like a stale baguette!
NO SWEAT!

[Arin - Doc Louis:]
Now it's four weeks later, and it's time for the fight!
I'm sad I've gotta watch a man die tonight

Do not worry Doc, Glass Joe is built to last!

You get winded when you open up the fridge too fast!
Your weight training diet is all wine and cheese
You've got the body of a man with an awful disease!
Your raw muscles look like a deflated apple fritter!
And your punching bag is filled with cotton candy and glitter!

[Ding ding]

[Danny - Glass Joe:]
There's the bell!
Thanks for your help, Doc!
(Yeah, see you in hell)
This is my moment, Viva la France
All of my training, has led to this chance
I benched ten Q-tips, I ran 5 feet
I did a half-push-up, victory will be sweet!
There's Mr. Sandman, here he comes
But I believe in myself, so I have already won!

Woah-oh! Woah-oh! I'll be the champion!
I have the heart of a-AW!

[Punching sounds]
[Weakly:]
Woah-oh, woah-oh, I like candy corns,
Please put them in my donuts
(Aw, you beat the French out of him!)
I have my-
[More punching sounds]
My favorite color is seven-UH-
No more peanuts for me, stewardess!

Godzilla is my dad...

[Thanks to H Hog, Holly for correcting these lyrics]

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