First of all, I go to Dr. Dorfman. He totally messes up my nose job
I ask him to make me look like Gwyneth Paltrow
I get off the surgery table looking like freakin' Shrek!
Oooh, she came to L.A. with big dreams
Bright lights, and big screens
She wanted us to buy some mixed drinks
The bitch thinks not a drop of her shit stinks
What would you do for a role on a hit show?
Go on the strip pole?
Let both of your tits show?
I got a cousin up at HBO
I'll give you his name and number for felatio
It was all a dream, flipping through people's magazine
Critiquing celebrities and their inadequacies
She puffs a cigarette for lunch, and then goes tanning at 3
She's getting acting jobs sleeping with her manager Steve
She goes to auditions hoping that she really gets that spot
But she doesn't so she drowns her sorrows in wheat grass shots
Goes to motivational seminars, and bars with big name stars
Using her daddy's credit card, thinking she's living large
Reality is she ain't got a quarter to her name
Just an eating disorder, you should just forfeit out the game
Girl, give up your acting career and go back to your parent's house
Or put out a few sex tapes that nobody will hear about
What would you do to walk on the red carpet?
Jerk off the security guard that guards it?
She came to C.A. to be made, but ended up in a 3-way just to get a job as a P.A
Celebrety fashion she's steadily trying to duplicate
Dressin' like a Hilton but she's staying at the super-rate
Cheap boob job, got the sides of 'em ripplin'
You can see multiple scalpel wounds in her nipple skin
She be trippin' when she don't get the part
But it isn't in her art to be knowing the art
She never acted in her life she was hoping to start from the top
"Fuck drama class, mama says I've got Pizzaz!"
And the "It" factor, but reality's a bitch and the shit smacked her dead in her face
You'll never be chased by paparazzi honey
And I ain't got a dime on your kamikaze money
What would you do for a part in a movie?
Swallow a roofie? Offer a [?]
My uncle casted all of Spielberg's hits
I'll give you his card if you let me feel your tits
Yogurt and yoga mats, who you foolin' with all of that?
The pilot's been cancelled, the casting agent ain't calling back
She's reading "The Secret" hoping to be in the dealers
Cruising the streets in her Prius
Thinking that she's an elitest
A member of P.E.T.A, but she rocking that leather and cheeta
She's a 3 on the meter but she thinks that she is a diva
Drinking only bottled water that she can't even pronounce
Hoping to be followed by paparazzi leaving her house
Dreaming 'bout getting eaten out by a celebrity with some [?] Brad Pitt dick deep in her mouth
She's thinking if it ever happens and her needle gets out
Poke a hole in the condom, hoping semen comes out
Cause maybe if she had that other mouth to feed in her house
Maybe he'd be her spouse. She'd be the Angelena Jolie of "two thousand-whatever year that took place in"
You ain't clever dear, you've just got a good imagination
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