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"The Real Slim Santa" lyrics by WEIRD AL YANKOVIC
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"The Real Slim Santa"

May I have your attention please

May I have your attention please!

Will the real Slim Santa please stand up, I repeat
Will the real Slim Santa please stand up
We're gonna have a problem here

You all act like you've seen Santa before
Toys all over your floor
Who the hell you think brought them.
It wasn't drunk dad or your mother that whore
It was me, now I'm skinny, and I'll tell you the score.

It's the return of Christmas but not the Joly fat elf.
My ass got so big I couldn't wipe it myself.

My doctor said "Santa you've never looked worse, lose 200 pounds or your hearts gonna burst.
Everybody loved me big and fat."Ho, Ho, Ho" Big ass Santa.
Look at him walking, His belly like jelly, have some more egg nog.

They didn't give a s**t if my argerie's clogged.
So I said, f**k them and I joined a gym, started eatin low fat cookies, drinkin milk that was skim.

I lost so much weight that I can see my candy cane, and Mrs Claus his happy, I can f**k her again.

Your name is on my list!
Your name is on my list!

And if your nice not naughty I met give you a little gift.
But here's a message for you, if your a big fat slob, and your guts in the way, a girl won't bob on your nob.

You can't expect a hoe to have gobbled your goo.
If you just sit there eating Twinkies, watching Scooby-Doo.
If you ain't nothing but chubby, no girl wants a fat Hubie, you'll end up workin construction.

Your love life line will ruin in destruction.
By the time your 30 you'll be askin Santa for liposuction, but if your thin you'll get seduction.

Underneath the mistletoe sing the chorus and it goes

I'm the real Santa, yes I'm the Kringle, all you fly girls like my balls cause they jingle.
So won't the real Slim Santa please stand up, please stand up.

Cause I'm the slim Santa, yes I'm the St Nick.
All you other fat Santa's get sucked by fat D**ks.
So won't the real slim Santa please stand up, please stand up, please stand up.

Ho, Ho, Ho
I guess there's a slim Santa in all of us.
West side

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